A few nights ago my mind was trafficking in quite a lot of thoughts about you. There was this one specific memory I held on to just in case I might want to write about it one day. Now that you're gone and I guess I might never see you again, I have a feeling I was a few months too late. But just in case there is a small chance of you stumbling upon this I hope you realize this is about you.
I don't think I ever told you this throughout the course of our relationship but there was a time while we were together where I felt I was reliving the most perfect day of my life over and over again. It was the time when we were truly happy. The summer which we never had, instead we made the pre-summer time a whole lifetime. I felt as if I was floating in an ocean current towards heaven and every day that went by, you took me closer to the warmth and happiness of heaven. Every time I saw you, it was as if I went through a whole night of torture and that all my sins were accounted for through the long hours without you. As if standing right in front me was my angel taking me to the infinite happiness that lay within every smile you made that in turn reflected it's own happiness of seeing me. And that the feeling I got from protecting your innocent eyes from the punishing ray of sun light that scratched its way through the windows of our mobile home was appreciated hence in turn was shared with an endless warmth of suffocating hugs that can only be described as .. going home.
Yes, you never knew did you. From the beginning of my story till its very end that has yet still to be written, you were and will always be the inspiration to everything that I write till the day that I die. I can say this with great certainty only because even today I still swim through every memory of you so I can just write something that could reflect even a fragment of what I felt for you. Every feeling carefully noted through various emotions with its end result being you.
However, it wasn't that memory only that kept me up all night, it was the time when we were truly happy. The time when we were friends. It was the time when all those emotions were hidden, it was that time where we would talk all day and all night keeping our feelings hidden from the other and it was that feeling of being in love and it was that moment of trying to say what I felt that kept me going. I would never have stopped making you love me because I knew that I would never truly be me if I was not with you forever.
I want to ask you something but I know I will never get a reply. Heck, you might never read this and you might never really know how I truly felt about you. If you did read this you might not even stop to consider this might be about you, you might just pass this off as part of the chapters I write. I wanted to ask you, why do I still cry?
What happened at the end, shouldn't that make me hate you? Like really hate you for all those things that I could never understand about you. But I don't, I promise. Hey, don't think of me as a weird guy who cries because I don't CRY cry but I do cry. In my heart, I'm always crying, even when I'm smiling. Even when there is someone else that loves me. Even when there is someone else that could give me more than we ever had, I still pain away. I wanted to ask... do you?
No, I don't want to be Rahal now. I want to be me. So,